hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
