You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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