Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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