ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
