Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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