3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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