Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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