they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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