So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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