I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
How naked do you want me to be?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
