Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize