I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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