If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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