my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
