Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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