I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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