we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
