i don't like sucking hair
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize