Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
