I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
