I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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