I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
