i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
