That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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