You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
