no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ladies don't puke and tell
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
