Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize