i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize