I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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