Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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