My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
