I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
