Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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