They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i barfeds in our rink
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
