She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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