can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
