Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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