Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
