i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
