when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
