he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize