I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
