i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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