I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
