Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
