My friends, they love my intelligence
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
