Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize