i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
this just has baby written all over it
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
