I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
