I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you had me at cake vodka
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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