Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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