Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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