Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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