She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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