I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
