the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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