hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
