So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
