i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
