remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
