i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
