You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
