cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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