Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
