is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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