So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
