i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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