then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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