are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
