this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My penis needs a shock collar
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
