Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
