her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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