I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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