Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
