I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
