I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Michael Bay diarrhea
there was a trapeze. enough said
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
