Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
