At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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