I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
