I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
