i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
