I just cut my nipple shaving
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
