my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
