Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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