Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
