I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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