Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize