if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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