Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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